Usually the things you strive for turn out not to be so great when you finally reach them. Like a long, hot walk with the sea always in view. It always turns out to be too choppy or full of jellyfish or un-swimable.
This one is different. I think we will look back on these first days of having our babies finally hime as golden ones. Life is like spinning plates 24 hours a day as we juggle one at home, one at the childminders/wild and one in hospital. I am stumbling through a sleepless fog. But it is so so wonderful to have our sweet little girl home. All her yellow pooey potbelllied pig snuffley squeakiness does not deter me. I will have to accept that life from now on is a scarce collection of stolen minutes between putting on more washing, trying to keep the house under control and maintain a vaguely acceptable level of cleanliness.
G is off work for a month from tomorrow and I discussed with the doctors the possibility of Alexander coming home at the weekend. Strangely I found myself resisting as he is still desaturating and going grey and floppy after feeds and completely randomly. What will we do if he does this at home? Well, the answer was to make sure we’d done the resuscitation training and make sure we feel confident in it. Confident? At knowing when to and relying on myself to resuscitate my child? No way! So we’ll see. They promise me they will not discharge him until he is ready. I want him home but I want him well. As it is I will watch him like a hawk.