Homecoming Queen

A quick post while I’m pumping. Every spare minute is taken up preparing for no 1’s homecoming. I doubt she will complain about the mess or the furniture and fittings but I feel obliged to make sure the house is tidy and organized. Her cot is full of baby accessories and every surface in our house seems covered in objects. Sometimes it’s all I can see. I could spend a year tidying up if I’m not careful.

Can you believe she’s allowed home tomorrow? I worry that she’s had such a structured start our chaos will be too much for her. I feel anxious about Alexander being left behind. In reality I will end up just bringing her into hospital for the same routine till he is home but it feels momentous.

Alexander seemed to stop desaturating today and maintained his oxygen levels on the minimum of 10ccs. If it lasts I get the impression he could be home in a week or so. Trying not to get my hopes up for something I just wish to be so. I feel I have become an expert in their care in the hospital situation but will come loose on the outside. I have found myself starting to do the nurses job. Little details like storing things neatly in trays, cleaning up with sterile wipes, plunging syringes when they don’t drain and mixing medication. I only just noticed that the other mothers are not there all day. In fact it wasn’t till Siew, the boss of the special care unit, told me there was no need to room in overnight with Bea as I was ‘very hands on. That’s only for the mothers who aren’t used to looking after their babies.’ it hadn’t really occurred that other mum’s did something else. Still it is different with twins.

I picked up the double buggy from the store in Chiswick today and had a half hour masterclass in folding unfolding assembling reassembling and all its different tesselations.

I am very excited about it and all the possibilities it offer. Lucas sat in it when he got home and we went for a spin in it to the shops. It got the the thumbs up but ice cream was not allowed on the upholstery.

Tonight my friend and ex assistant Laura gave us the most wonderful gift. She babysat so that G and I could go out for our last night together alone for a while. I took him to the Bingham in Richmond where we spent our wedding night and where I had meant to take him for his birthday just before my waters broke.

Falling asleep as I write. Wish us luck. What will it be like having her in the house with no nurses to check on her?

Got to trust the peas.

Deep breath.




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