When did time slow down? Progress is slow now. I saw it coming a few days ago and in many ways it is a good sign as it signifies a lack of drama and problems to solve. They need to continue to put on weight but they are now putting on weight. 30g a day except Sundays is how they remember it. They need the weight to maintain their own temperature. They need time to mature so they can start to breastfeed. Every week feels like a year.
I need to get them home.
And there is the gap – desire vs necessity. I know my attitude is directly related to lack of sleep. Today it sucks. I go about my work of holding, pumping, changing, hold, pump, change. I love the holding them bit but just being here every day is getting me down. I meant to start going swimming this week but instead I have stopped even going to the hospital shop. I’m not sure it’s very good for me being in here all day and I should get out and do the odd thing while I can before they start feeding in a couple of weeks’ time.
The health visitor came to see me today and even talk of going home gets me down. The consultant said probably 4 or 5 weeks. It seems too far away to bear to think about. I was reminded that I would need to keep them very quiet and visitor free for a few weeks when we get home as they are prone to stress and infection for a while. I know I will want to run outside and show them off in their new buggy as I feel I have been sitting tight and being patient for an awfully long time now. My patience is, for once, just today, wearing thin. I must remember how lucky we are. Two more or less healthy babies, just a few weeks left of a long journey
I am going to go back out on the ward now and find my little girl (and try not to nut the 10 year old boy being a pain in the arse outside in the waiting room). Holding her always makes me feel better and the whole world melts away.
(This is not actually treacle of course. It’s the cherry jam my mother in law made from the cherries I froze from the tree in our garden two years ago. Had to make way for my breast milk bottles. Something to smile about.)