Letting the World Back In

It was a beautiful day today. After last night’s fabulous Olympic opening (and a grand night at my friend Helen’s Olympic party) I had the feeling it was about time I got used to being back in circulation. I was a bit surprised how desocialised I’d become. I’m never that great at parties where I don’t know many people unless I’m working and obliged to work the room, and I did have a wonderful time, but it felt like I had to learn to speak again.

We went as a family to see the twins this morning and Lucas gets closer and more comfortable with the idea of his brother and sister each time. Today he sang his song repertoire, sat on my lap as I held them and gave them kisses. He also rearranged their draws and passed me clothes and nappies for them, then tidied up and put it all back. I felt very proud of him and feel confident he will be a very good big brother once he gets used to his new role.

Both the twins are fine. We’ll see tomorrow if they are putting on more weight. Alexander is still on a bit of oxygen and desaturating a bit. Nothing major but it is still stressful when he is on me and his numbers keep going down. I hope to start breastfeeding them in the next week or so. It will be nice not to lose it all to the evil pump. It will be a shock for me too when they come home. It’s actually been reassuring to have the responsibility taken off me for this first spell. I change their nappies if I’m there. I dress them and feed them from a syringe but it’s not the same as walking in in the morning and checking if they are still breathing. I still do this with Lucas sometimes when he is very still in the morning.

My parents in law arrived this afternoon to cover us on Monday when we have Olympic weightlifting (yessss) tickets and hospital to attend with no childcare. They are troopers and I feel
bad having to call them down so soon after the birth.

We took a picnic to Richmond Park and watched the Olympic road race this afternoon. For the third time this year we had one of those great British days. Lucas loved it cheering and clapping and shouting ‘go on’! And that was before he realised we were there to cheer on cyclists. He thought the police motorbikes and fast cars were the main affair. He kept saying ‘Another motorbike in a minute’ and when you asked him if there would be any bikes he’d confidently say ‘no’.
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I realised on the way back to the car that I hadn’t even thought twice about walking into the park some distance and back again. It is the furthest I’ve walked since my waters broke ten weeks ago. I hadn’t even considered that the period of relative immobility would affect me at all psychologically. I have lost a bit of physical confidence in terms of what I can and can’t do. It is still early days since the operation too so I have to take it slowly but I would love to be running again within the month. I want to feel strong again. and have the high of exertion and the knowledge that I am fit. Not something I ever thought I’d yearn for.

Tonight we took our neighbours out for dinner at the local Italian to say thank you for all their kindness and help over the last two months. It was a really nice evening and they will never know, no matter how much I say it, just how much their support meant for those seven weeks waiting for it not to happen. Today I had that overwhelming sense of community again. I think that’s the beauty of all these local Olympic events. They bring alive that sense of positive coming together that we rarely connect with and I find it really quite emotional. Am I losing my cynicism with age? Something to do with children. They make cynicism seem like the poor option.

Here’s with me with my new family. Shit I have three children. How did that happen?

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2 responses to “Letting the World Back In

  1. Angela you look radiant. I am so pleased it’s all going so well. I have my 20 week scan in the morning. Will let you know how it goes. Miss you, love you and can’t wait to see you and the family soon. Xxx

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