Strange being home. Like entering a parallel universe.
I woke Lucas from the car as he and G arrived home at the same time as me. He clung on to me and, as he came to and realised I was really back, he performed a model child reunion. He actually said, “thank you for coming home mummy” and “I missed you” and “I love my mummy”. Has somebody been coaching him? Gold star!!! He wanted to play a lot. Said “Oh goody” rather than the usual “no,no,no” when I suggested we have a bath (I haven’t been able to do bath time with him since my waters broke because of the risk of infection) and we both fell asleep in his bed after a La Rosetta (Brentford’s finest Italian) takeaway pizza and tiramisu. What more could you wish for. I had a little hormonal cry at one point in the evening at the thought of A and B so far away (yes that is why we chose the names, just so I could abbreviate). Lucas took one look at me when he came back in the room, pointed accusingly and said, “Mummy. Look happy!” It was an order not a comment. I complied. How rude of me.
We have decided we will take Lucas to meet his new brother and sister tomorrow in the afternoon for the one hour they are both tube free and look a bit more normal. He is dubious. But I think it will be ok and don’t want to build it up too much. At least that way we can all go together and leave together and have a fun day out afterwards.
I called in to the unit before bed to check on the twins and they are both having a few funny heart episodes tonight. She has something called bradycardia where she forgets to breathe and her heart rate halves for a few worrying seconds. I can hardly breathe when I see it happen. He has the opposite, tachycardia, where his heart races at over 200 bpm for extended periods. It’s quite alarming to watch but not unusual for premature babies. They will keep an eye on it but it is keeping me awake now. That and just coming down from the drama of it all. I think I will be in post traumatic detox for a while.
Things aren’t exactly normal yet.