5 Reasons for and against having babies when you’re old

5 Reasons For and Against Getting Up the Duff When You’re Already Quite Old

1) Loss of balance and dignity. If you are twenty and pregnant falling over in the street can be mistaken as youthful exuberance. I have developed an occasional stagger as the baby weight tilts sideways. In Brentford this is generally assumed to be the result of good afternoon in the Beehive. On the plus side, at least I don’t stand out.
2) Rubbish skin. What happened to the beautiful pregnant glow? I have a sort of lumpen red veined acne meets hives. The nice lady in Boots suggested a colour correction foundation and said I had lovely…eyes.
3) Boobs already heading South. Due at South Pole any time soon.
4) You need more sleep. I get an extra two hours in every afternoon. What on earth is going to happen when I have two babies to factor in. They’ll have to fend for themselves. The husband’s nearly 50. I’ll be knocking on 40 by the time they start sleeping through. And yet I still don’t earn enough to hire staff. Should have taken that law degree after all.
5) Nothing springs back into place. Would it be better to stay as fat as possible afterwards to make up for lack of collagen and muscle tone? Needs serious consideration.

1) You’re not afraid to ask doctors ‘why?’. I am enjoying my new relationship with the medical establishment the where I ask whether they need to do something or if I need to come to all my appointments. Surprising how often the answer is ‘not really’.
2) You get a year off work at a point in your career when you’ve got over the idea of having a career. Hurrah. I am discovering that I am better at doing nothing than I thought.
3) You can afford a cleaner. Unfortunately I am currently too tight to pay for one. This may change.
4) You’re under no illusion of being hot any more so less likely to be disappointed after the birth.
5) Having babies possibly comes with less personal angst and doubt. Possibly. We’ll see.


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